


Living In Wait

by Dragons_Heart



Series: Obikin Week 2K17 [6]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, Obi-Wan on Tattooine, Obikin Week, Post-Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Pre-Star Wars: A New Hope, Vaderwan, obikin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 16:52:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11582226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragons_Heart/pseuds/Dragons_Heart
Summary: Ben Kenobi thought it was over. Anakin was dead, Vader was vanquished. The Empire was still in power, but he and Luke were safe. Too bad things are never what he believes.





	Living In Wait

**Author's Note:**

> It's Day 6 of Obikin Week 2017!! Hard to believe tomorrow is the last day.
> 
> Today's prompt is Wait For Me and I have no idea how well this actually fits but oh well. It kind of works.
> 
> Enjoy!

Ben had a lot of memories. He had some good ones, some bad ones, and some he wanted to burn out of his mind with a bantha prodder or a lightsaber. Unfortunately for him, those were the ones that kept him awake at night.

He’d learned how to cope with the memories of losing Qui-Gon and Satine. Talking with Qui-Gon’s spirit every now and then helped him deal with the physical loss. Really, it helped him deal with the concept of death in and of itself. The Jedi taught that death didn’t really exist; all things, living or not, were a part of the Force. But they didn’t teach how to deal with grief and loss and the pain that accompanied it.

But, as time passed on, Ben had learned to manage it. After Satine’s death, he’d learned that keeping her memory alive was more important than dwelling on her death. And Qui-Gon was showing him that there was more to life and death than existence and non-existence.

Sure, the memories were still painful for him, but he was doing better. He was getting a handle on them.

And then there was the purge. The Empire’s rise. Mustafar.

Those were the ones that had him freezing during his trips into town because the sounds cantina fights sent him reeling back to nearly being killed by men he considered comrades and friends. Those were the ones that had him checking over his shoulder constantly out of fear of being found. Those were the ones that had him waking up screaming from nightmares or wasting water he didn’t have to cool off because Tattooine’s suffocating heat brought him back to the moment he lost Anakin.

Force, how he wished they’d go away.

To say the last few months had been hard on him was an understatement. Not only did Ben have to fight with his demons every day, but he also had to deal with raiders and wild animals attacking his home, Owen Lars hating his guts even though he was trying to do what was best for Luke, and general riff-raff in town trying to mug him or harass him.

It was no wonder he found himself in the cantina at least once every few days.

Most people in Mos Eisley had come to know him as the local crazy with a drinking problem and that was fine with him. It got people to leave him alone and he could drink his feelings away in peace.

Today was a particularly rough day for him. He hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep last night, woke up this morning to find the melon supply he’d _just_ harvested stolen, and when he thought he’d seen Beru shopping alone with Luke, he’d gotten himself yelled at by Owen in public for corrupting his family. Needless to say, he was now three drinks in and it was barely noon.

“Memorial services continue this morning for Senator Padme Amidala of Naboo as the system unveils the new monument in her honor,” the news anchor stated from the holos placed throughout the building. “Due to the love the people of Naboo have for the late senator and queen, it was only a matter of time until…”

Ben down the last of his drink and motioned for another from the bartender, drowning out the story as best as he could. Of course today of all days would the Force choose to remind him of his failures. His next drink was placed in front of him, along with a basket of food he hadn’t ordered. The bartender knew how much he could handle, though, and would often serve Ben free food to keep him from passing out in the floor. The guy was gruff, but he was nice. If Ben had wanted to get close to people, the bartender would definitely be his first choice and not just for the drinks.

“We now bring you breaking news from Kashyyyk,” the anchor droned as Ben down half of his next drink in one gulp. “Jon-Kal Taron is on the scene of the latest Imperial victory. We go to him now. Jon-Kal?”

“Thanks, Kinora.”

Ben sighed softly and started slowly munching on the food, not really feeling that hungry but knowing he should eat. And keeping food and drink in his mouth would help keep his mouth shut about whatever the Empire was up to. Just hearing the words “Empire”, “Emperor”, or “Imperial” left a bad taste on his mouth, but he had quickly learned that even if the Sith couldn’t find him out here, the Empire still could touch Tatooine. He often found himself reading or listening to the reports of major Imperial happenings. It was better to be in the know, at least, even if it stung.

“Folks, I’m currently in the capital city of Kashyyyk, the site of the latest major step in reunifying the galaxy,” Taron stated. “It was here that, just hours earlier, Imperial forces wiped out a pocket of resistance led by a small group of fugitive Jedi who managed to escape the purge of their initial rebellion.”

A lump grew in Ben’s throat, which he swallowed down with another large gulp of drink. So, others had survived. And they fought _back_. His heart ached to know that more of his brethren were gone and he wasn’t sure to think of them as fools or himself as cowardly.

“The real hero of the day was Lord Vader, he captured the leader of the resistance and…”

Everything stopped.

Lord…Vader?

No.

No, it couldn’t be. He _died_. Ben watched him _burn._ He disappeared from the Force. Anakin…Vader…was _dead._

For the first time since the report began, Ben looked up to the TV. And there it was, the black suited figure he could only assume…no, that he _knew_ Anakin had become. Imposing. Dark. Terrifying. _Evil._

He clapped a hand to his mouth, feeling like he was going to be sick. How had he survived? _Why_ had he survived? Was the Force so cruel that it couldn’t have taken Anakin away completely? That it had to make Ben live in exile knowing that he couldn’t even succeed in doing what was expected from him?

“Hey, buddy, you a’right?” the bartender asked, shaking his shoulder a bit.

No. He was most certainly not all right.

Ben stood up and bolted, knocking over chairs on his way out of the cantina.

“Oi! Watch it, hermit!”

“Looks like he’s having a fit again…”

Ben ignored the comments as he rushed out and around back, stopping to vomit by the dumpster. This was horrid. The worst possible thing he could imagine.

It was bad enough he thought he’d have to live a life without the man he needed by his side.

Now he had to live knowing that not only had he _nearly_ killed him, but was responsible for leaving a great evil in the galaxy and giving Anakin a life of pain and suffering from his injuries. To make it worse, there was a part of him that was _glad_ Anakin had survived because that meant there was a chance he could find him again. That they could be together.

Another wave of nausea hit him and he vomited again.

He was so wretched.

He began to stagger back home through the ridge, weary and ashamed and aching. Everything ached. His body, his heart, his spirit. He felt like he’d been broken all over again before he could even heal from the first time.

He slipped inside of his small house and collapsed against the door once it was shut behind him. A sob worked its way out of his throat and that started the water works. Cries and sobs wracked his body and he held onto his waist with one arm and yanked at his hair with the other. He didn’t know what was happening or what to do. What if Vader came looking for his children? What if he found out where Luke and Leia were being hidden?

What if he came looking for Ben?

The idea both terrified and thrilled him and that conflict made him sick to his stomach again. How could he desire someone so evil and horrible?

_Because you love him,_ he told himself. _You love him and now look what you’ve done._

Ben curled into himself as more sobs wracked his body. He’d finally started thinking he could live in peace here, his only obligation being Luke’s safety. And now he would be haunted by his past and Vader anymore.

It was only a matter of time before their paths would cross again. His life was now going to be a perpetual waiting game.

But what was he waiting for? The cold embrace of Death or the embrace of a lover?


End file.
